Saturday, November 17, 2012

Checkers Anyone?

My bed has four pillows too!

Scouring the online, one is bound to find some comparison, sound or unsound, of his or her favorite celebrities. The comparison is likely to come in a few ways, drawing upon looks, interests, quips, styles, number of adopted children, what non-profits they contribute to, etc. This is a short photo-savvy comparison (appreciation) of two of today's curviest, pout'iest, bodacious'est starlets: Christina Hendricks (05/03/75) and Kat Dennings (06/13/86). I am a firm believer in the power of curves, especially the lasting control such things maintain in Hollywood. 

Kat began in commercials, Christina in children's acting theatre. Eventually both would make it to television, starting with lesser shows and moving their way to prime-time. Mad Men is the premier vessel for CH and the more recent 2 Broke Girls finds KD serving up a fantastic meal for the eyes. Each has their share of film credits, and Christina has decidedly more photo shoots; to my chagrin, images of Kat D actually grinning beyond a smirk are $40,000 apiece - meaning they're hard to come by. Both ladies even have a few "leaked" photos, those being any that have become available to the public which probably shouldn't have. Again, KD looks ghostly in her "leaked" nite-time nudie pix, and CH exudes about the same aura. But I will not feature any of those here, and will not contribute to the already broken privacy each woman strives to secure.

CH favorite food: spaghetti - KD favorite food: pomegranates
The nose on the right and the eyes on the left: A+ gals. 
Right is right.

 Both ladies know how to hold their spectacles properly. 
Is that a handsome man I see typing before me? Actually,
they're both about to jump into phone booths.
Note the prominent chins...something's gotta hold those bubba'licious lips up!
Left is right.

 One of the author's favorites of CH, so much packed into
such a compact bustiere. The rusty red can not be matched, but KD's
deep brown almost black locks keep us coming back
 for more of her homemade cupcakes.
Left is right.

 CH as Joan and KD as Max in their respective uniforms,
current get-ups for two television shows now airing. 
Watch KD's show if you haven't, it's surprisingly arousing and
captivating, in a sympathetic and lurid way all at once. CH has been
making all us men mad for the past five years, and hope she keeps IT UP.
Right is right.

 KD don't smoke. CH does, for our purposes. Is the smoke coming from
her cigarette, or is her bosom actually that hot? Yes.

Thanks for stepping into Mr. Wanka's boat for another mind-bending journey down slide-show tunnels and pitch-black alleys, where only the best tail stands with a high heel tapping the wet street, leaning against a dumpster, biting her fat, PHAT lip.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Joy(ce) Superest Ut Gianna: Vintage Big Boob Revival Beta

Joyce Spaeth relives under the subtle guise of a contemporary starlet Gianna Michaels, who shares some space in the wiki world that, oddly, sadly, Joyce (re Gabrielle Schubert) does not. Joyce maintains a rather welcome place in the world of proto-porn big boob fetish models; fetish only so much that the majority of her images are found in "jugg" type periodicals, often featured in her own one-shot (pun?) magazines, and this is a perfect example. "Jugs of Joy: Volume One, Number One" was the first (apparently) of a quarterly big boob magazine, published in 1976, right in the middle of the four or five truly boob-tastic years for the adult periodical industry. One-shot magazines such as this featured a model all on her own, and the rating of said magazine generally stayed below X.... to some people. To your author, she hasn't appeared in any images that might be considered lewd, however, her modern doppelganger, Gianna, may have appeared in a film or two thought to be pornographic. For the record, if you start to involve ingestion in your act, or mastication of any kind, bingo! you're a pornstar. Thanks Gianna for bringing the curvaceous appeal that Joyce once held to the front of today's adult industry. Like the luckiest farmers, our cocks are superbly peckish; the luckiest chipmunks, our nuts overflow our layout.

Our lovelies spread like the rarest birds. Both pout eagerly, leaving a come hither without the aid of eye-to-eye contact. Gianna gets the apple here.
Undies can be difficult to remove, but gravity has given them what we need. This is one of the better reincarnations of the Joyce, for what once hung in white and black now hangs in full color.  Gianna gets the gold star.
Gianna has a habit of looking directly into the camera, something they obviously forgot to tell her during auditions. The method works here though, to her advantage, much the same way the exact opposite works to Joyce's. Joyce wins this time.
The nail bite is something born out of the "Did I do that?" look of pinup and glamour models of the late 1940s and into the 1950s. The pose will endure for as long as there are things, and stuff. Joyce wins again, thanks to good costuming and backdrops. 
Here again an upside down view of our girls. Joyce is working those boobs and that endless smile like a QVC rep works a Sham-Wow. Both hands baby! Joyce earned it.
The classic over-the-shoulder pose; it never fails. Coupled with perfect ass, mix two large cups, a dash of charm, and you have your pose in elegant production. Gianna, take the cake, lady.
Joy (Joyce) is featured in some outdoor poses at this point in the magazine. Some excellent photos, and some others of her hugging a pool cue. Believe it or not, Gianna shoots pool too! But she doesn't get as friendly with the equipment like the monochrome matron on the left. They both earn their keep with this one, thanks to some sweet abdomen exposure, and facial expressions composed to kill. 
Much like the first spread-eagle composition, the vagina and its various colors and shapes have become more of a visual amphetamine than a mental one. On the left Joyce slightly obscures her bush, but we are okay with that, because everything else going for her photo, up to and including the shade of her nail polish, supports an otherwise vacant notion. That notion is left wide awake on the right, as Gianna lets us all know what her momma gave her, but not too crudely. Less and less hair is now the theme, and not always appropriately, as it seemed during the time of the photo on the left, hair was always appropriate. Joyce wins this time, thanks to a perfect set of stretch-mark bedazzled bosoms and cute tan lines. Don't worry Gianna, we'd all still take you fishing. 

All images represented on the left (above) are from the magazine, Jugs of Joy (1976), featuring Joyce Spaeth/Gabrielle Schubert. All images on the right (above) are culled from various websites, featuring Gianna Michaels/Rossi. The author claims ownership only of the stated magazine.